Relationship Goals

Let’s talk about relationship goals. I am definitely not a relationship guru, but I have learned quite a bit throughout the years. Friendship is the best way to start any relationship but healthy friendships can’t develop if you approach them “looking for the ONE”. That kind of attitude can drive people away.

Here are examples of relationship goals that some of us make.
Poor goal:
I want to be married

Better goal:
I want to have the invaluable qualities of being loving and sharing so that I can make a great mate.

Best goal:
I want to be the best person that I possibly can be with intrinsic qualities of loving and respecting myself and others because it is what’s right.

Out of these examples, the best goal focuses on what you need to do for living, not for obtaining a relationship with a person. Before I met my husband, the quote that revolved in my head “If I am busy doing what I need to do and he is busy doing what he needs to do, then God will make sure our paths cross at the right time.” It did just that and when we met, he stood out as a genuine and vivacious young man. In my opinion, the attraction got in the way of friendship. Although we only spoke on the phone after we first met, things were revealed about his other relationships that made me not trust him. Because he valued our friendship, he asked if we could start over and this time he would be above board with me.

Most of my friends made commitments to be celibate until marriage, and hanging out was so much easier without the pressure of sex. Joking and talking with my female and male friends was the highlight of my college life. Although we all attended different churches, we all got along so well together. Our outings were huge groups of us young people just hanging out. It was nice being myself and not having the pressure of pretending so that I can get someone to like me.

I think I had so many friends because I knew how to laugh at myself. If it wasn’t too serious, I would relax and enjoy the company. Not all people will look out for your best interest, so I had to put a lot in the preliminary part of friendship. What is the preliminary? Well I chose to surround myself with people that helped me to be a better version of me. I loved everybody and could be friends with anyone but NOT everybody wanted to share the paths I chose to take and that is ok. Part of guarding my heart is contributed to that old saying “choose your friends wisely”. I’m glad I was paying attention.

I don’t believe in “what ifs”, so I do not want to relive those days. I made the most of it. It was real life…full of the good, bad and the ugly. I understood that life is made of moments that we can never get back. I did not limit myself to just enjoying time with friends, but enjoyed life even if it was solo. If I wanted to have a nice dinner alone, I enjoyed myself. If I wanted to take a long walk in the park, I enjoyed myself. All because I decided that a relationship did not define me or my importance. I embraced the moments and I’m so thankful that I did.


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