#MomLife

I must be honest, I am still fighting to establish healthy boundaries for my family. All over the network, we hear of the delimas moms are having. Working moms that may feel guilty and stay at home moms that feel judged, but nothing changes the fact that a mom is a mom. It is not about labels, but it is about how we navigate.

Whether you are a Momprenuer, Stay at Home Mom, or a Working Mom, you will need a team. A team that include baby sitters, people who can walk beside the family and people to encourage the mom. Having money to invest in getting the right people in the right position to do the things you don’t do well would help, but not always possible. It takes a village for any mom and with a business it takes a huge village. Nicole Parker, an actress and business owner found the help. Her helper took care of her to make sure that she was eating. Parker then stressed how she took care of the person who helps her by paying her what she asked for. Rewarding because that same person care for her kids and is still with her today.

Allow your family to help. One business lady shared that the kids, her mother, and her in-laws work for the business. In our home, the girls have chores and receive commission with completed tasks. I am learning how to communicate my needs because one person can not be and do all things perfectly.

Resist fear because it paralyzes. You must have the courage to establish healthy boundaries and healthy goals for your family. I use to be afraid of making mistakes and worse of people getting angry with me. Learn to trust yourself again. You’ve made it this far, you must be ok.  Don’t give up on yourself. In your personal life and in business,  resist fear. Parker said that with her, she fought fear with this thought of “She already had the no, so go get the yes.”

In managing stress, you must take the initiative to set healthy boundaries.
Realize what you can and can not do. For example, if you need to get up early, don’t overextend yourself by making obligations that will get you home too late or in bed too late.

Sleep is so important in fighting stress.
Turn off the phone and other media 1 hour before going to bed. The blue light keeps you awake.

Don’t forget to take time to take care of yourself. Ivan Hernandez said something powerful and profound to me. He makes 2 hours for self care every day. That is self care without guilt or apology. That may or may not include going to the gym, but no matter what, he makes sure to get it in. Do you make time for yourself?  Please share with the group how you arrange your schedule to fit self care.

Problem Solving

The previous topics, finding your why and asking questions, are not only important for planning but also for problem solving. We must make decisions everyday of our lives. A perfect example of how my “why” helped me to press forward. At the end if my freshman year of college, I made two “C”s. I felt so sad and I walked around looking pitiful. My friends did everything but laugh at me as I sat in despair thinking I was doomed. They did not understand the damage two “C”s had on a GPA. I had an academic scholarship that was dependent on me maintaining a 3.0 at all times. I felt lost and did not know what to do.

I gave myself a few weeks to recover, but once I refocused, I was able to make additional plans. Let me be honest with you, it was hard to stop myself from fearing the worse. I actually had to spend long hours in bible readings and prayer before I could realize new plans that would compensate for the loss of revenue. It was going to be hard work but I was finally ready. The summer before my college sophomore year, I worked and saved most of the money for the purpose of registering for the new school year.  Unfortunately, I did not have anyone to help me with paying for college. All of the financial and emotional pressures were on my shoulders to carry alone, but in the planning process, I realized this would be one of the challenges. I was already committed to persevering. Quitting was not an option.

First semester was the focus and I was going to tackle second semester after I had jumped that hurdle of first semester. I asked financial aid questions and their answers helped me toThe registrar accepted what I had as a deposit and I signed a written agreement regarding the monthly payments. Work study earnings were all saved and it paid the remaining semester balance.  I finished the semester debt free and regained my scholarship for the second semester when my GPA hit above the 3.0 requirements. It was a year full of excitement, heartache, and a beautiful victory.  Doing the homework during the planning process helps us to consider options that are available. Remember, you always have choices. I asked financial aid questions and asked for arrangements. This process of problem solving has helped me to push through many tough situations.

Why Part Two

Our last post helped us to understand our why in setting goals and making plans. There is more to it and we dive into a few more questions that will help you understand the planning process. This is part 2 of a 3 part series. Let’s jump right into it…

What will hinder you in achieving this goal?
(This is the time to be honest with yourself. Do you self sabotage by procrastinating or allowing distractions? Is there someone in authority who will pull you in a separate direction? Are there demands on your time or schedule that you can not compromise or change?)

What will change or need to change?
(Will you have to move? Will your schedule have to change? Most things require time and energy and it is very important to be very realistic about where all of this will fit with your lifestyle. It is this part that people overlook, but must not when making realistic goals.)

Some people may ask “where do I began?”
(Take time to gather information about the topic. Make sure to note if there are various steps indicated in obtaining your goal. Also note if those steps also have timelines. Are experts in that area available to answer questions? Can you find a mentor in that area to help you understand all of the expectations?)

The next post will conclude our “Why” series. What other questions do you ask yourself when setting goals and making plans? Share them with us in the comment section below. We would like to hear from you.

Using A Planner

I’m not an organization expert or planner guru. This is not an advertisement. This is for people who are looking for wisdom regarding planning.

Planning is for the wise and the strong. It is also for the weak and faint at heart. In grade school, I had problems focusing. After almost an entire year of fun and games from the back of the class, the teacher finally contacted my mother to tell her of our failure. It was a failure to complete assignments, a failure to determine how much I had grown, and a failure to succeed in making me third grade ready. She could not allow me to ascend to the next level if I was not proficient in the basics. That year I made an amazing discovery and realized that I was easily distracted. It was a wake up call and I understood all that I could loose if I did not focus. Planning is my way of making sure I’m remaining focus.

When I pull out my planner, I think about the appointments I have during the week. I then think about my goals for the week. Do I have any assignments due? Am I responsible for organizing an event or gathering (small or large)? These are things I must think about when sitting to plan. Just a side note, I am a bit “extra” when it comes to planning. I am beginning to break almost every task down into smaller steps. This helps me to evaluate how much I can realistically accomplish in a certain amount of time. For example, if I need to make a phone call, I need to place the number beside the task listed. If I do not have the number, then a phone call is placed on the “to do” list and I leave space for finding the number. It becomes a two part action.

Although time is like money, never forget people first before things. Planning is only a tool.  With that in mind, using my planner helps me to appreciate how my time is being used. I can even celebrate small failures. What others may call wasting, I call investing. For example, if I spend four hours on the phone with my sister for her birthday, then I am making an investment in her and our relationship. I can look at my huge “to do” list and reflect on how she is more important than all of those items combined. Although time is like money, love should always be first.

Honesty

Day 29
Honesty

How many people truly share the truth on how they are doing when asked, how are you? I am NOT saying that is a time to vent. I am saying that is the time to connect. Since most people don’t expect lengthy responses, there is no pressure to make it long. So we are faced with the question, how do you honestly share without overdoing it? Well first, you need time to daily reflect on how you are doing and what you are doing. You may have started a new hobby, but apprehension about your skills may stop you from sharing this exciting new interest. It is not so much about the details of roller coaster emotions but our personal response is what really makes the difference. For example, when how you are doing, you may respond hopeful with a brief description.”Hopeful. I’m learning to play a guitar.” Wouldn’t that act as a great icebreaker? Humor works great, but never at the expense of honesty. If you are grieving or suffering, you may respond with just prayerful. “Prayerful.” In this this case, explanation is only given when asked, but honesty is our intention.
Let’s brainstorm on honest responses for different scenarios.
For days you are in physical pain
For days we are feeling persecuted
For days we have disappointment

You maybe asking, what does this have to do with Positive Posture. Well, honesty is the key that can unlock the doors to miracles. As a person that’s recovering from hurts, hang ups and habits, I realize the first step in healing is acknowledging that I have a problem. This level of honesty with myself first, empowers me to go to God and ask for help. It frees me to share both trials and triumphs with those who walk beside me in the fight. Honesty will strengthen self esteem in how it builds confidence in myself to make good choices. Confidence is the most beautiful thing about an attractive personality.

Day 27
Had such an amazing stretching session with my husband. 45 minutes and I’m feeling so relaxed. Stretching helps with posture. Positive posture is almost impossible with tight chest muscles. It took months in physical therapy before I saw improvements in my posture a year ago. That was the best I ever felt concerning posture. I definitely want to include stretching into my daily routine.

Day 20
Took the walking from my home to the streets. I had a Dr. appointment that was a little over a mile away. We have a trail within our community that makes walking to places nearby a sheer joy. I worked up a sweat but nothing too embarrassing. So glad I took the challenge.

Day 14
I have included walking to my posture routine. I click on YouTube and allow Leslie Sampson to lead me in walking a mile. It is always difficult to start something new. In fact, starting is the HARDEST part. I’m glad to come across this video because she has made walking a mile so much easier. 15 minutes and I’m done!

Handling Difficult Days: Day 4

Another motivation for taking this challenge is my children. I am taking this journey because I want to be a strong example for my children. They deserve the best that I can give. I can tell them to have a better attitude or I can SHOW them the best attitude.

The same thing that may motivate us, could also be the thing that can stand as a challenge in accomplishing the goal. The daily family responsibilities can be demanding and as a result we let go of our personal goals to balance the table. Balance is important, so I had to look at our family schedule to honestly plan for a solid time to work on this personal development. What I found is that I did not lack the time, I lacked the discipline. I wanted it to be easy and if it wasn’t easy, then something had to give.

We shouldn’t easily dismiss our goals because we need to care for ourselves the way we care for those we love. We allow ourselves to disappear in the shadows, but our pains and stresses continue to scream for a solution. We can not afford to ignore personal needs, self care and self love. You are worth the investment.

Have you ever dropped personal goals to balance life? Let us know.

Day 3 Intro to Stretching

I find research very important if you want to build a new self image and change your outlook. When I started physical therapy, I had some major problems with my posture. We did all of the exercises, but found it hard to see real results. One day I complained about my chest feeling tight and they found that my chest muscles were extremely tight.  They pulled and push until the muscles relaxed. A miracle did not happen with my posture but the journey to Positive Posture started to get easier.

Researchs notes

Stretching is physical exercise. A lot of people discount stretching because they don’t always understand it’s benefits. They see it as something passive that can’t possibly help them attain their goals.

It reduces stress. I
It reduces injury. II

Stretching increases physical performance and improves circulation of oxygen throughout the blood. This delivers more energy throughout the body.

There is more to come on stretching and positive posture.

Positive Posture Day 2

I have been recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. The doctor that consulted with me on the condition says that usually this condition occurs in people that had traumatic childhood ordeals and then later in life experience physical trauma like whiplash in a car accident. The brain somehow start to connect the two and start sending signals throughout the body that cause painful muscle inflammation, depression, and chronic fatigue. Improving my life’s position is not just physical but mental as well. As I start digging deeper into my past,  I realize that all the pain that I stuffed down is now affecting my health and I want to be healed. I need to be truly free of the past.

Before, I thought the negative self talk was a result of me being mentally lazy to challenge myself to think positive. Now I know it’s because I still have some things in my past that I want to resolve but need to just be set free from. I can hear the answer in my heart as I head towards the next chapter in my life and that is “perfect love covers a multitude of sins”. I need to let God’s love cover me and my sins, and let His love be enough.

40 Days to Positive Posture

This morning I read a quote by an unknown author on Instagram, “Don’t quit, if you are tired just take a nap”. I know that it was only 10:15 a.m. but I had a pretty bumpy night. I went to bed around 2 a.m. and a few hours after that my youngest got up twice to lay down between hubby and me. Although I took her back to bed, she returned and that second time I was too tired to get back up again. With their school schedule, sleeping in is not an option. Around 7:30 a.m., I woke up and put on a happy face (no one wants to wake up to a grouch), and said “good morning”. It was time to put on my Mommy hat as I swept through the house, cutting on lights and making sure everyone was up and out of bed. I was able to push forward without showing fatigue. As soon as they left, I tried to start the day but could feel the bed calling me for thirty more minutes.

Sleep is important to living a healthy and disciplined lifestyle. In the world we live in today, everyone is looking for a way to gain an edge. They think they need more time, so they burn the midnight oil trying to gain the edge. That’s ironic because going to bed before 12 a.m. and getting 8 hours of sleep actually helps your body and mind to function at its best. I know, by doing the opposite, I was creating an environment that I feared the most. In my opinion, sleep deprivation results in an unproductive and irritable edgy person. Some of you may agree with me but some of you are saying “not me”. For real…look up edge and what did you find? Yes, it can mean a favorable margin, but it also means the border of something. Many of us push ourselves to the line, not thinking that it will have a negative impact on the bottom line.

For the next 40 days, I will be taking a journey to positive posture. My late night last night opened my eyes to one area to concentrate on, sleep and rest. It has its place on this journey, but so does exercise and family.

Proper posture has not been the norm amongst us young people. We have heard of having a strong core, but we don’t always stop to think of what that could mean. I am taking this journey, because I believe in giving myself a second chance. Sometimes we look at ourselves and our lives and feel, this is just me. We work on our career goals of making more money. We work on relationship goals and learn to make time for people that are important in our lives. Sadly, we even get lost in our titles and use it to define our lives. We are created for more than that. God has a purpose for our lives, but most importantly, He loves us and created us to have fellowship with Him. I did not know what that meant for a long time. I was doing good things, but I measured my success by those good things. In the midst of accomplishing all of those good things, I woke up. I had taken the first step of understanding that Jesus died for my sins. I had taken the next step, and pushed past my fears of the Holy Spirit. It was the final step of loving someone sacrificially that opened my eyes to my fragile humanity. That was the first time that I realized, I can’t do this alone.

Question time: What does having a strong core mean to you? What does sleep have to do with having a strong core?

Happy New Year

Welcome and Happy New Year! Welcome to the place where we learn to live royally and victoriously while learning to live the life we are given. This lifestyle blog is designed to enrich and encourage everyone, not just the readers but the writers too.

I am making it all up on the spot, so bear with me. Let’s start January off with a theme: Dare To Dream. Let’s choose that because we want to make this the best year yet. Why YET? Because the best is always yet to come. Alright, I’m getting somewhere. Next, let’s start with a Dare To Dream Challenge. For this to be the best year yet, we must first PLAN for it to happen. So your New Year’s Question is, what would need to happen for this to be your best year yet?

The next post will contain our next steps. See you soon.