Stress Talk

Choices

Before my oldest daughter left for school this morning,  she handed me a sheet of paper entitled “Stress”. In all of her innocence, she says, “Mom, you can keep it and paste it in your journal.” This child is FUNNY! I can’t even get mad with her for sharing this good information. Was she trying to say that her mom was acting stressed out? No, she was not, but it was still a timely talk.

Stress can be healthy or unhealthy.  Healthy stress can be great for the body. Exercise is a form of healthy stress. It gives us energy, helps us to sleep, and it is a great way to beat off the weight of daily challenges.

Unhealthy stress comes in the form of worry and fears. We beat ourselves up trying to conquer different challenges.  Matters are only compounded as we try to control the narrative of our lives. Instead of seeing the good that may even exist in a tough situation, we try to “make” things happen. Don’t get me wrong, that was once me. I use to walk around saying, “if it is to be, it is up to me.” It was an unhealthy statement that I now use to explain how I was missing the simple blessings right in front of me. I was so focused on the “to be” and “me” that I was missing the now.

The best tip I can give to fight stress, is to enjoy the now. Here are some additional tips I shared last week:

Stress Talk
Sleep is so important in fighting stress.

Turn off the phone 1 hour before going to bed. The blue light keeps you awake.

Ivan Hernandez said something powerful. He makes 2 hours for self care every day. That is self care without guilt or apology.

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#MomLife

I must be honest, I am still fighting to establish healthy boundaries for my family. All over the network, we hear of the delimas moms are having. Working moms that may feel guilty and stay at home moms that feel judged, but nothing changes the fact that a mom is a mom. It is not about labels, but it is about how we navigate.

Whether you are a Momprenuer, Stay at Home Mom, or a Working Mom, you will need a team. A team that include baby sitters, people who can walk beside the family and people to encourage the mom. Having money to invest in getting the right people in the right position to do the things you don’t do well would help, but not always possible. It takes a village for any mom and with a business it takes a huge village. Nicole Parker, an actress and business owner found the help. Her helper took care of her to make sure that she was eating. Parker then stressed how she took care of the person who helps her by paying her what she asked for. Rewarding because that same person care for her kids and is still with her today.

Allow your family to help. One business lady shared that the kids, her mother, and her in-laws work for the business. In our home, the girls have chores and receive commission with completed tasks. I am learning how to communicate my needs because one person can not be and do all things perfectly.

Resist fear because it paralyzes. You must have the courage to establish healthy boundaries and healthy goals for your family. I use to be afraid of making mistakes and worse of people getting angry with me. Learn to trust yourself again. You’ve made it this far, you must be ok.  Don’t give up on yourself. In your personal life and in business,  resist fear. Parker said that with her, she fought fear with this thought of “She already had the no, so go get the yes.”

In managing stress, you must take the initiative to set healthy boundaries.
Realize what you can and can not do. For example, if you need to get up early, don’t overextend yourself by making obligations that will get you home too late or in bed too late.

Sleep is so important in fighting stress.
Turn off the phone and other media 1 hour before going to bed. The blue light keeps you awake.

Don’t forget to take time to take care of yourself. Ivan Hernandez said something powerful and profound to me. He makes 2 hours for self care every day. That is self care without guilt or apology. That may or may not include going to the gym, but no matter what, he makes sure to get it in. Do you make time for yourself?  Please share with the group how you arrange your schedule to fit self care.

Problem Solving

The previous topics, finding your why and asking questions, are not only important for planning but also for problem solving. We must make decisions everyday of our lives. A perfect example of how my “why” helped me to press forward. At the end if my freshman year of college, I made two “C”s. I felt so sad and I walked around looking pitiful. My friends did everything but laugh at me as I sat in despair thinking I was doomed. They did not understand the damage two “C”s had on a GPA. I had an academic scholarship that was dependent on me maintaining a 3.0 at all times. I felt lost and did not know what to do.

I gave myself a few weeks to recover, but once I refocused, I was able to make additional plans. Let me be honest with you, it was hard to stop myself from fearing the worse. I actually had to spend long hours in bible readings and prayer before I could realize new plans that would compensate for the loss of revenue. It was going to be hard work but I was finally ready. The summer before my college sophomore year, I worked and saved most of the money for the purpose of registering for the new school year.  Unfortunately, I did not have anyone to help me with paying for college. All of the financial and emotional pressures were on my shoulders to carry alone, but in the planning process, I realized this would be one of the challenges. I was already committed to persevering. Quitting was not an option.

First semester was the focus and I was going to tackle second semester after I had jumped that hurdle of first semester. I asked financial aid questions and their answers helped me toThe registrar accepted what I had as a deposit and I signed a written agreement regarding the monthly payments. Work study earnings were all saved and it paid the remaining semester balance.  I finished the semester debt free and regained my scholarship for the second semester when my GPA hit above the 3.0 requirements. It was a year full of excitement, heartache, and a beautiful victory.  Doing the homework during the planning process helps us to consider options that are available. Remember, you always have choices. I asked financial aid questions and asked for arrangements. This process of problem solving has helped me to push through many tough situations.

Why Finale

We have reached our finale for why do we plan. This third and final part will conclude the questions we need to ask ourselves when making realistic and accomplishable tasks.  Planning is a very personable thing. It can be frustrating at times or even overwhelming, but it also can be a most helpful tool. Since my family growing up used planners on a limited basis, I never viewed planning as a chore. I did not HAVE to do it, but I chose to. Today, I still see it as a choice and an opportunity for self reflection.

The last questions will challenge us to think of our goals as being important. A challenge to see them as bigger than a thing to accomplish by ourselves. Accomplishing our goals will require support. We must remember that true success is best achieved with helping hands. This support can come from simple words of encouragement to someone actually working beside you to help you win in this game of life. Let’s take a look at our last few questions.

Where do I go to get help in achieving this goal?
(This all depends on the goal. There are associations and groups for just about every interest. There are also Conferences of various types that bring ideas and products together to help with one general type of need. For further direction, you can test your knowledge on topics you need to know. Then, think about who can answer those questions. If it is a fitness goal, the “where” for you may be the gym to speak with personal trainers.)

When do I want to complete this goal?
(This is your timeline. Does this goal have a deadline? Is this a long term goal?)

How will I accomplish this goal?
(Review all of the questions and your answers from the “Why” series. All of the previous questions will help to make this part easier. When you pull all the answers together, you get an idea of how. The how serves as the outline for your plans.)

I think we all would like the satisfaction of feeling complete peace and celebratory praise after accomplishing a goal. The best way to WIN is to make sure your goals and plans are a honest reflection of you. You are unique and complex and so are your goals and plans. Don’t let fear of failing or success snatch your dream. Please be patient with the process of reaching goals because surprises can still manage to pop up here and there. It is your “why” that will help you to maintain focus and keep moving forward.

Why Part Two

Our last post helped us to understand our why in setting goals and making plans. There is more to it and we dive into a few more questions that will help you understand the planning process. This is part 2 of a 3 part series. Let’s jump right into it…

What will hinder you in achieving this goal?
(This is the time to be honest with yourself. Do you self sabotage by procrastinating or allowing distractions? Is there someone in authority who will pull you in a separate direction? Are there demands on your time or schedule that you can not compromise or change?)

What will change or need to change?
(Will you have to move? Will your schedule have to change? Most things require time and energy and it is very important to be very realistic about where all of this will fit with your lifestyle. It is this part that people overlook, but must not when making realistic goals.)

Some people may ask “where do I began?”
(Take time to gather information about the topic. Make sure to note if there are various steps indicated in obtaining your goal. Also note if those steps also have timelines. Are experts in that area available to answer questions? Can you find a mentor in that area to help you understand all of the expectations?)

The next post will conclude our “Why” series. What other questions do you ask yourself when setting goals and making plans? Share them with us in the comment section below. We would like to hear from you.

Why Why Why

Are we all looking for the gold at the end of the rainbow? Is that a fair way to describe a dream? Well, all I know is that dreams do come true. We set goals and plan because we believe that things in our lives will be better if a change happens. Most of the time, we understand that for that change to happen, we must plan and prepare for it. We must also be honest cfc with ourselves in understanding our “why” in setting that goal. The why helps us to understand the priority we have in that thing. It also gives us the motivation we’ll need if things become challenging. There are other questions you will need to also consider when makes goals. The who, what, and when are all a part the process as well. The best foundation for your goals and plans will be established when things are well thought out.

Why are you setting this goal?
(Try to avoid blanket statements. “I want to be successful” was the blanket statement I used. Well, How do you define success?)

Why do you want to accomplish this goal?
(Is this for you? Is this someone else’s dream or goal? Avoid blanket statements and be as specific as possible.)

Why do you think this is the best solution?
(This goal will accomplish what for you? How is this the best solution to the problem you may face?)  This question is to get you to think about your attitude regarding your goal. You want a healthy approach to any goal. Making a goal in desperation happens, but often we’ll miss important things that needed to be considered. There is no golden egg solution that skips us into Neverland, but with effort, dreams are made to come true. This question is to help us reflect on the things we are thankful for currently before accomplishing the goal. What are some of your strengths? What do you love about yourself? No dream, goals or plans can take the place of healthy self-esteem. You are wonderfully made and like all of us wonderfully flawed. You must learn to accept that or success will feel empty. Answering these questions will help you to see if you are approaching the goal from a healthy outlook. If you can not verbalize the things you love about yourself or things you are thankful for, then you may need help by a counselor or other licensed professional to help you through this step.

So, what do you love about yourself?

Goals First

The Little Red engine faced his biggest challenge, and as he climbed the hill, he encouraged himself. He repeated, “I think I can, I think I can.”   Getting to the top was his goal and pure hope and determination gave him the strength to push forward. Like that engine, we will face mountains we will need to climb. Goals strengthen us because the only way to the other side is to push past challenges.  I define goals as a hope for a specific outcome. It serves as motivation and a guide. Goals are to be placed as the first priority in the planning process. It is most important and should not be overlooked.

Years ago, I worked in direct sales, and controlled when and how I worked my business. I decided what I would do after I established my financial and leadership goals.  I worked very hard, but I was disappointed at the end of each month. I had to ask myself, are these the wrong goals?  I gave myself time, and and after a while, I began to understand the company’s sales algorithms. The top salespeople sold a certain  number of units each week consistently. They encouraged us to only work on the things we could control. We can not control who would buy or what they would buy, but we could control how many people we spoke to each day. We could control how many phone calls we made each day. I began to realize that consistency in the things that I can control was my best form of accountability. It was also my favorite measure of success. Success was not based on the outcome but on my consistency as I met each challenge.

My goals changed from being result oriented and became action oriented in describing my desired outcome.  For example,  instead of saying I want to sell $1,000.00 in products, I say I want to sell 100 units to reach my goal of $1,000.00. In turn, I’ve changed the way I plan.  My plans became task oriented and served as helpful action points in achieving the prize. For example, I can plan to speak to 10 people a day (which can make approximately 3 sales).

This example of an action oriented goal can be changed to even meet student’s needs. For example, instead of saying I want an A on my math test, I would say I want to study 2 additional hours this week to make an A on my test. My task oriented plans may include studying math facts and practicing additional problems for 30 minutes each day.  Those 30 minutes do not include the normal time I take completing homework assignments. You may need 30 minutes with a tudor or a teacher, and that is to be written into the plan. These are only examples in helping you to understand goal setting and the role it plays in planning.

I conclude with words of encouragement. Life is full of the unexpected. There will be times when things do not work out. Planning does not shield us from people hurting our feelings. It does not shield us from disappointments.  I have learned to have faith in God and this has produced true confidence.  I believe that God blesses beyond anything my efforts alone can produce, so I include prayers as an active part of the planning process. Planning is not a perfect remedy, but God gives me perfect peace with whatever comes. “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” – Proverbs 16:3